Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tribute Tuesday: ODE TO JONATHAN CHOLULA

LEME SEE YOU SHOW YOUR GRILL?!?!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!


For all the readers out there who don't know him, he is Jonathan Cholula. A real cool Mexican dude from the 209. From his hats pulled to the site or his original black truck to his steam filled dumps (yes he turns the hot water on when he shits so its literally a steaming pile of shit), he always stood out amongst the Delta Force Crew. This gentleman is who we hung out with in high school. You are always guaranteed two things: a good laugh and him making fun of you unrelentlessly because he felt like it. Many who have hung out with this guy have asked the same damn question. How are we still friends with this guy? We here at Nutcheck Videos tell you why...

The Original Delta Force Crew...

It started in Mr. Dunne's class where these collective souls would sit next to Jon while he introduced us to a few of his antics. His first antic was the "Nervous Game." This game consisted of us in class (while reading aloud) to reach over and start touching the reader's leg just for the sole purpose of getting him so uncomfortable he would fuck up his words or laugh uncontrollably. Jon could never be defeated. We touched and touched like the lady in this song...

...but to no avail.
His second antic would involve a certain classmate who I sat behind. Nick Perez. This gentleman had a small hole on the back of his shirt. On a dare, Cholula told me to start penetrating it with a pencil which I agreed to. For some dubious reason, Nick did not know that the hole in his shirt was getting bigger and bigger, until finally one day he caught us penetrating his shirt with a thick highlighter. That shirt never had a chance. The next shenanigan involved the world famous game PP Patrol. However on this occasion it was Jon having a video camera in class. I know the tape is still around that house of his, and if it is ever found...It'll be like finding the lochness monster.

As the year went by, the Delta Force Crew grew larger...

...and we hung out more at breaks. Which leads me to one final shenanigan that stood out. It is one of sheer atrocity and hilarity. Many of you who have witnessed it, it happened in between C and D hall during break. As the DFC Crew gathered around, I noticed a student who walked similar to

My eyes couldn't help but follow, and as my eyes made a complete turn, it caught the eyes of one Jon Cholula. It is because everytime I look at them I...

...Get Lost In His Eyes. As I made eye contact with him, he had a look of utter disgust and disbelief. "That's fucked up Shane, I know what you were thinking about," he said. "You don't even know what I'm thinking about," I said, but he knew I was thinking of how that lady waddled like a penguin. So just to throw me and the rest of the crew off, he said "You know you're going to hell right?" "Ya for thinking about the lady's walk in my head and wanting to imitate," I said. After imitating it, Jon interjects and with a straight face says... "You're going to hell cause you're doing it wrong" and waddles like a penguin himself.

Reason #1 we're still friends with Jon: Our many many shenanigans. No matter what crap we were in or how much trouble we were in at the time, I got to do some of the most disgusting, wonderfully horrible things with one of my best friends. I don't know where I would be without him. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to live without him?


Reason #2 to why Jon is still our friend? Payback is a motherf**ker! We dedicate this part of the post as a NCV original. Top 10 song dedications to our boy.

10. Roberta Flack with Donny Hathaway: The Closer I Get To You

This was requested by another member of the Delta Force Crew, Mikey. In his words, the chorus sounds just like "The Closer I Get To Zunz."

9. Black Eyed Peas: Bebot

This is dedicated to Jon's fascination with Filipino women. They gotta be light skinned huh?

8. Speaking of which, Jon always makes fun of me, Boogie and MAC about being dark ass Ilocanos, so we say to you sir...No matter what shade of color we are, we are still your homies.


7. Even though he lives in the bay his heart is always in the 209


6. D12: 40 OZ

This man will put down a 40 OZ like no other.

5. Mac Dre: Stupid Doo Doo Dumb

Livin' out his bay area dream, and he is stupid doo doo dumb yadamean!

4. YES WE WENT THERE MOTHERF**KER!

Motley Crue: Bastard


COULD IT BE? I THINK IT IS!!!

3. Your Sister: Sean Kingston

This song is dedicated to him because of his numerous assaults on one of the members of the blogosphere's sister. One Alboogie's older sister. His comments never seem to grow old, but we're sure Alvin has heard them all and has pretty much been immune to it. Until he gets mad and starts throwing hammers at Zunz.

2. John Scatman: Scatman

From his furious dumps at his house, his farts in his truck while the heater is and the windows closed or his trips to scatlovers.com, this one dedicated to this shithead.

The number one song on this list just symbolizes why we're still friends with him. He makes fun of us, whether him saying that the Somera brothers look alike and telling everyone that they have sex with one another and it was like having sex with themselves or the relentless poke at Alboogie's sister, we still hang out with him. For all those times he made fun, there was all the dirty stuff we talked about in Dunne's class or everywhere for that matter, or the way I fed him French Toast at Denny's one late night, or how he use to call me in the middle of the night just to ask what I was thinking about. It's a love-hate relationship. I guess no matter how much he makes fun of us, we can't help but hate to love him.

"...AND I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU"

***Bonus Video***

This goes out to you, you cock sucking champ! Have Jon recite you the chorus to Too Short's "I Luv" and you'll understand why he's the cock sucking champ. Nah with all jokes aside we used to take trips out to the bay and this track would come on and Jon would have us rollin with him singing the chorus...



***Bonus Video***

We used to go straight retarded whenever we heard E-40's "Tell Me When To Go" in the club...we still do, but it ain't the same since Jon lost his grill!



***Bonus Video***
We know that Jon is with a special lady, but the back of his mind there is always a certain person in his mind... You don't have to hide it Jon. I know.


***Bonus Video***
For all the times you made fun of us, this is nothing but payback to you you hapless bastard.


Reason #3 to why Jon is still our friend: Because of stories like this from Mikey. While talking to Mikey last night and getting some ideas, he told me to mention the story of the Mayonnaise sandwich. According to Mikey, they had been drinking at Jon's house when they got hungry. "Hey I'm hungry, you want some sandwiches? I'll make sandwiches" Jon said. Mikey agreed and Jon goes to the kitchen and returns a few minutes later with some hastily made ham sandwiches. He starts to eat his sandwich and as Mikey picked up his sandwich, mayonnaise starts dripping from it. There was one slice of ham with about three pounds of mayonnaise on the sandwich. Mikey quickly spits out his bite of sandwich, in which he glanced at Jon who had a disgusted look on his face. And in the most sincere of tones, he asks Mikey (with mayonnaise dripping from the corners of his mouth) "You Don't Like Mayonnaise?"

Reason #4 to why Jon is still our friend: "THE LAUGH"
Making one of us laugh is always a consistent trend. But making Zunz laugh a certain way, you knew it was a hilarious thing. If you were lucky enough to tell Jon a joke or a story or even be in a room with him where something funny was going to occur and see him laughing like this...

...You knew it was funny. This video was only a moderate type of laughter. I remember at my house when I told Jon the Dane Cook act about the Kool-Aid Man and I mentioned the part where the parents wouldn't believe their kids' excuse to why the wall was destroyed because he said "Nobody is going to believe that a talking bowl of fruit punch plowed its way into our living room unannounced." Zunz went ballistic. He was laughing so hard that his was rolling on the floor in the fetal position laughing hysterically. Everyone in the room was laughing, not at the Dane Cook joke, but the way this dude is rolling around the floor laughing his ass off.


Babyface Jon


R.I.P to the grill


A Face Only A Mother Could Be Proud Of


That Poor Statue


He fuckin' hated me this night!


NOBODY BEATS DOLLAR HOTDOGS!


He finally got his edumication.

1 comment:

Chrissy said...

One of my fondest memories was from a couple summers ago, when he came & hung out with us in this cool house we rented in Pismo. So,..me and my friend Jessie are hanging out talking on the bed in the room next to where Cholula went to shower. He was all excited cause this shower had like 4 heads. The next thing you know all we hear is Cholula giggling, not laughing but giggling like a little school girl.. So, when he comes out we were like " what the hell was going on in there?!" His reply was simply,..."what,..it tickled?!"

Love ya Cholula!!

You really need to post a picture of that weird thing he does with the back of his head. :)