Sunday, March 16, 2008

MARCH MADNESS: Tournament Of Hotties

Ok ladies and gentlemen. In honor of the NCAA March Madness, Nutcheck Videos proudly presents the first annual Tournament of Hotties. We pit the 65 hottest from the world of entertainment and pit them against one another. Me and Mactino have put in a lot of thought here and know that we might have left off a few hotties, but in our minds, we didn't want to play the second guessing game. The rules are as simple as filling out your own NCAA tourney bracket. The members of the NATION filled out their brackets in hopes of getting through our heads and correctly guessing OUR own bracket. Points are awarded and doubled for each correct answer and round. Each matchup has been careful and INTELLECTUALLY studied by me and the MAC and I will give you the main reason why each will advance. From now until the NCAA tourney time on Thursday, NCV will post each round results online until we get our eventual champion. From there, we will tally up the NATION's results in which the winner gets bragging rights and a cool ONE DOLLAR! The gals are divided in 4 regions, which consists of actresses, surprise gems, hot bodies (athletes and models) and singers. OK enough drama everyone. Here are the first round results.

1.Robin Meade vs. 16. Diora Baird: Robin is our hidden gem. No one knows about this gal but me and the MAC. She is on Headline News at 3AM-6AM. She is usually the first person I see when I wake up in the morning for work. A beautiful, smart and intelligent hottie and she advances in this first round matchup. ROBIN MEADE

8. Paulina Rubio vs. 9. Melyssa Ford: Look I haven't seen enough of Paulina Rubio to really outline a body of work. She's very beautiful, but Ms. Ford has caught my eye in numerous hip hop videos and she always sticks out. MELYSSA FORD

5. Eva Longoria vs. 12. Maria Kanellis: Though Maria from the WWE is such a cutie, Eva is such a down to earth, beautiful, talented and very successful woman. It gave me a true reason to watch Desperate Housewives. EVA LONGORIA

4. Jessica Biel vs. 13. Alessandra Ambrosio: First upset of the tourney. Though Jessica Biel is the more popular one, Ms. Ambrosio is supermodel sexy. Not skinny bitch throw up bulimic whore supermodel, but what a supermodel is supposed to look like. Plus until a few years ago, I always remember Jessica as the chick from 7th Heaven. She's like one of my boys, and I don't think any of my boys is hot. ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO

6. Jeri Lee vs. 11. Candace Michelle: I remember that super bowl go commercial and immediately I had to Google the girl and from then on she has stuck. Not to mention that I am an avid wrestling fan too which makes it a bonus. CANDACE MICHELLE

3. Eva Mendes vs. 14. Brooke Burke: Many people are going to be surprised, but at one time Brooke Burke to me would win it all, but that was then. I've come to realize that Mrs. Burke is just too much plastic (although I am not complaining). Eva Mendes wins because if I always have a soft spot for Latinas. And if I close my eyes and picture someone being close to the perfect one, she would be it. Plus she has the sexiest mole since Cindy Crawford. EVA MENDES

7. Stacy Keibler vs. 10. Shakira: Shakira has both butt and hips to a "T." However, Stacy has enough with legs that go on for days that absolutely stumps and trumps my little Colombian. Plus with my wrestling prowess and her warming cute face, the once manager known as Ms. Hancock advances to round 2. STACY KEIBLER

2. Tamia vs. 15. Jennie Finch: Mind you there are not a lot of pretty hot female athletes out there and Ms. Finch is one of maybe 3. But it is just too bad that she ran into this underrated gem/dynamo of a woman. Tamia has got to be one of the most underappreciated R&B singers out there right now. And a woman who can sing is such a turn on. TAMIA

Recap of Marilyn Monroe bracket: Robin Meade, Melyssa Ford, Eva Longoria, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candace Michelle, Eva Mendes, Stacy Keibler, Tamia.

1. Jessica Alba vs. 16. Natalie Gulbis: Throw out that she has/had herpes and had relations with Derek Jeter (typing that just raised my blood pressure), Jessica Alba is a woman! Though Ms. Gulbis at a certain time has her moments of hotness, she just got trampled by a better hottie. Plus, you never watched a Jessica Alba movie just because of the movie right? I rest my case. JESSICA ALBA

8. Vanessa Hudgens vs. 9. Alicia Keys: My little cousins introduced me to Vanessa Hudgens and part of me was going to hell for fantasizing about her while watching the Disney Channel. But she is a special kind of hot. Like a "phenom" hot. Like someone that will dominate this tournament next year or maybe the year after. Right now, I'm on the edge of my seat. Alicia Keys has such a beautiful voice to go along with her beautiful face. But right now our phenom has her beat. VANESSA HUDGENS

5. Cassie vs. 12. Kristen Bell: You know I don't watch Heroes but MACTINO introduced me to Ms. Bell and somehow she made me forget about the weird Asian dude. I'm partial to R&B artists, but right now, I have not seen enough of Cassie to really warrant her advancing. After seeing the popularity of Heroes and other shows she had been on, Kristen advances in my book. KRISTEN BELL

4. Katherine McPhee vs. 13. Amber Lee Ettinger: The only 2 reasons I watched American Idol, Carrie Underwood (who didn't make the cut because Santino Somera is a great big homosexual who I question his sexuality for not agreeing to add her on) and Ms. McPhee. However, after seeing the Obama Girl video, and making her ways into the talk show circuits promoting our next president, Ms. Ettinger really caught our eyes as well as AMBER LEE ETTINGER AKA OBAMA GIRL

6. Gabrielle Union vs. 11. Moon Bloodgood: We have to consider consistent hotness and amount of time I've seen this person. So I have not seen enough of Ms. Bloodgood to warrant an advancement. Gabrielle is that girl who you can bring home to mom and will gladly get up and help mom do the dishes and even start the pot of coffee right before dessert. Plus tell me she wasn't hot in the I LOVE MY CHICK video. I say that considering that BUSTA RHYMES was in the video. GABRIELLE UNION

3. Amerie vs. 14. Somaya Reece: Ok, Amerie is such a gorgeous woman, who can sing and is undoubtably ridiculously sexy. But you gotta understand that we are GUYS and sometimes we are allowed to just make an ignorant ass pick just because of one or two pictures. So to the Nation of Domination, this is our ONE (by Shane and MACTINO's millions) ignorant pick because of that ass. Its like if you're a fan of hip hop. You appreciate the words and what they mean behind it, but sometimes you can't turn your head when an ignorant ass rapper's video is on TV talkin' about Makin' It Rain on some ho. SOMAYA REECE just by sheer ignorance.

7. Eileen Alcantara vs. 10. Kaylani Lei: Boogie is gonna kill us for this. She just seems to be a down to earth person. Compared to a girl who gets smashed in her butt for a living. That's not cool even if you have the prettiest face. Cause the only thing I would be thinking about is how Ron Jeremy has been inside of you. Plus you can't turn down a SAINT! EILEEN ALCANTARA by a LANDSLIDE!

2. Nicole Scherzinger vs. 15. Halle Berry: Ok Halle Berry is the prototype for consistent hotness. Eric Benet should just automatically have an elevator to hell for what he did to Halle. If we both agreed to put Halle over Nicole, we wouldn't be mad at one another, but Nicole is hot stuff right now and will continue to be for a while. I'm saying she has the capabilities of being the "hot" one for a long time. The intrigue of all of PCD's songs just got me wondering. What would I do to her? Cause she's seen nothing done? Well if given the right time, and place. I'd probably strike out like most guys would. But right now: NICOLE SCHERZINGER. But if the tourney was two years or even last year, it would be Halle.


Playin Game: Elisha Cuthbert vs. Rihanna: I may get a lot of people mad, but I think Rihanna is not attractive at all. Her "FIVEHEAD" bothers me. Plus after seeing Girls Next Door, Ms. Cuthbert is a special kind of hot, and it makes me wonder about what if I was in the same scenario as that guy in the movie? ELISHA CUTHBERT

1. Vida Guerra vs. 16. Elisha Cuthbert: The downside of Ms. Cuthbert is she once dated a hockey player named Sean Avery who plays for the New York Rangers. Mind you I could probably stand the fact if it was 27 other teams out of 30, I would've been OK. But as a Pittsburgh Penguins fanatic, I am trained to hate 3 teams: The Philadelphia Flyers, The Washington Capitals and the New York Rangers. That alone loses it for her. Oh yeah Vida's got a phat booty too. VIDA GUERRA.

8. Tila Tequila vs. 9. Amanda Beard: Ok Amanda rounds out the few athletes on this bracket. And she wins it because of her sex appeal, her eyes and think about this. Imagine sitting down with your friends, watching television and you see a pretty girl and you think "Man I wish I can see her in a bathing suit." Well you can. Everyday every minute of the week. The hell do you think I watched Olympic swimming for and I can't swim. AMANDA BEARD

5. Charmane Star vs. 12. Torrie Wilson: Look I am not partial to pornstars just because the amount of beatings they take on a daily basis. But Charmane's face absolutely carries this matchup. She is such a cutie pie, which you obviously have to ignore the fact (as hard as for me to say that) that she has taken one or a few meat sausages in her days. Torrie has her good moments, but at times she can really look too buff. I don't want a girl that looks like she can whip my ass. Except Oprah. I'm comin' for you girl. But like I tell everyone, she's my second favorite Asian behind Ichiro Suzuki. CHARMANE STAR

4. Kate Beckinsale vs. 13. Hayden Panettiere: Look Kate Beckinsale is your prototypical woman. Beautiful, sexy, driven, responsible, successful, talented, funny, mysterious, and freakin' British? How many hot British women can you tell me aside from Elizabeth Hurley and Kate Beckinsale? And don't say Posh Spice cause if you do, I curse that your hard drive melt and fall apart. KATE BECKINSALE

6. Janet Jackson vs. 11. Brittany Lee: Janet Jackson like Halle is longevity hot. What red blooded male have inquired to one another about a Janet Jackson video and has not mentioned the word hot? You tell me a male who has not said that, and I will show you a gay man or a hater. Plus her music is just something amazing, her choreography is out of this world and still have these youngins beat down, and even through it all, she manages to still look hot knowing she's related to the King Of Pop. MS. JACKSON for the WIN

3. Scarlett Johansson vs. 14. Christina Millian: The raspy voice. The sweater cows? I could just go ignorant again but I won't. At least not on this one. Here is my case for Christina. I have seen Scarlett in everything! And though she is sexy, sophisticated and talented, the mystery to what Christina Millian can do is very intriguing. Sure we know she can sing and dance, but she even acts now too. A versatile hottie. Plus her smile can heal a million souls (Yes Zack I took a line out of Amel Larrieux). I am just waiting to see what she has in store for everyone and I can't wait! CHRISTINA MILLIAN in an upset

7. Thalia vs. 10. Nelly Furtado: There were 2 girls that I always had a reason to watch Univision. Sofia Vergara and Thalia. When she finally crossed over and made the I Want You track with Fat Joe. I knew all those times of watching Univision and not understanding a damn thing she was saying was finally worth it! You Tube the video and enjoy the view. THALIA

2. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen vs. 15. Maria Sharapova: Tiffani was the 90's. Tiffani was the reason you woke up early on Saturday mornings. Face it Nation of Domination. Tiffani is and forever will be in your world. TIFFANI-AMBER THIESSEN


1. Mariah Carey vs. 16. Nautica Thorn: Like mentioned earlier, we're not too high on adult film stars and just cannot handle the fact you consistently take 13 inchers where the sun don't shine. Mariah Carey has always been hot, but recently whored it up to make it known and it is frowned upon in the bracket. But after the Touch my Body video, she wins this round. MARIAH CAREY

8. Adriana Lima vs. Krista Ayne: Krista Ayne is another one of those hidden gems. If you YouTube Pittsburgh Slim's Girls Kissing Girls video, you know what I'm talking about. But like Alessandra Ambrosio, she is that special kind of hot! A supermodel hot. She is different that the model supermodel. She is that special foreign supermodel hot that I had not seen since anybody. ADRIANA LIMA

5. Natasha Yi vs. 12. Jenn Sterger: Battle of the unknowns. In this case Ms. Yi wins because we have seen her enough times compared to Jenn Sterger. Jenn is famous for being the "HOT" fan at Florida State football games and made national headlines after posing for Playboy. But in this case, we haven't seen enough of Jenn to catapult her to a win. NATASHA YI

4. Beyonce vs. 13. Gwen Stefani: Gwen is the unusual hot. She makes wearing ridiculous clothing hot. The way carries herself and how she has different modes makes her an intriguing hot, but Beyonce is head over heels above her. Like Janet, when you and your boys gather and mention if you've seen the latest Beyonce video, how many go a conversation without mentioning these two words, "HOT" and "ASS." Like I said, show me a guy who hasn't and I will show you a gay guy or a hater. BEYONCE

6. Olivia Munn vs. 11: Lokelani McMichael: Lokelani would get so much play if people watched more surfing. Not a lot of people know Olivia either but those that do know she got this. OLIVIA MUNN

3. Lauren London vs. 14. Leeann Tweeden: You gotta look at this from Shane's perspective. Ok, forget the hotness, the intelligence (turned down an Ivy League school), her gift of gab (ANCHOR FOR BEST DAMN SPORTS SHOW), and versatility because those are what makes her so attractive in my book. But (Chris and Mark I know you would agree with me here), she bleeds Redskins colors and is a die hard. That is a bonus amongst anything. HOW FREAKIN' HOT is it knowing that your girl can chop it up with you about sports and stats and fantasy leagues? Plus imagine if the two of you are bored and when asking her what she wants to do she says, "You want to play ball?" Once again I rest my case. LEEANN TWEEDEN

7. Roselyn Sanchez vs. 10. Kim Kardashian: Toughest first round matchup of all! This can go either way and we will let you know why Roselyn advances. She is that quiet hottie. No one knows a lot about her. She doesn't have to be published everywhere to be recognized as sexy. She doesn't have to whore herself out to make herself known. Plus actually I prefer Khloe Kardashian more than Kim. That's right I'll get all up in her Lane Bryants. ROSELYN SANCHEZ

2. Megan Fox vs. 15. Faith Hill: In my book Faith Hill is in my top 3 hot singers. The woman is drop dead gorgeous and shame on Tino for having no play on blondes because he is missing out on a good one. Its just too bad she ran into a freight train that is Megan Fox. I first saw her in an episode of two and a half men and I thought I was going to get arrested for the thoughts that popped into my head. But with Transformers, FHM spreads and Maxim spreads, we are finally being introduced to this bombshell! MEGAN FOX


Ok Nation members, your first round is complete, tune in tomorrow for round 2 results and don't forget to fill out your NCAA bracket and holla at me when your done I can pick up and collect. Until tomorrow!

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